meeting allie.

you know the drill...this is a birth story so read at your own risk.  ;)

this is LOOOOONG!!!  almost as long as allie's labor & delivery.   i wrote this over a 2 week span, so ignore the hodge podge of memories pieced together & dismiss all the grammar errors.   

let's start off with a little recap of the past three labors & deliveries:

lane: typical first child birth.  long 30 hours, arrived at hospital around 4 cm, pushed for 45 minutes.

gage: FAST! arrived at hospital & had him within 5 minutes of walking in

logan: longer & spread out labor, arrived at hospital at 9-10cm & pushed MAYBE 2 times.

i'm not sure where to start.  really.  i have been putting off writing her birth story because it was such a mind battle & overwhelmingly emotional...

the morning of wednesday, january 21st (due date!), i have a dr appt.    she checks me & says "a good 3-4 cm, very very thin, & your cervix is extremely low."  she continues on, "how far away do you live?  because if your water breaks, don't try to make it here.  you won't.   just call 911 & have the baby at home."   whoa, ok!   baby will be here soon!   she says, "i will see you later this afternoon when you are delivering..."

all day i have cramps but nothing to think labor would be starting.   mom & i decide to head out in a crazy snow storm & go to bsf.   all through bsf i have cramps every 8 minutes but nothing major.

thursday, january 22:  i wake up at 2:30ish with some pretty good contractions.   go to the restroom...yep, labor is definitely imminent.  i decide to get ready, do my hair & make up because well, isn't that what you are suppose to do?   i try to go back to sleep but excitement isn't allowing that.   vance's alarm goes off at 4:30 & i tell him he's staying home because baby is coming.   he has no problem going back to sleep.  ;)

vance takes lane to school.   i'm a little weepy as he walks out the door knowing this is the last time i will see him before baby is born.   sometime around 9/10:00 this labor starts to remind me of logan's. slow & steady.   so slow.   contractions every 5-10 minutes.  enough to make me stop.   not enough to make me need vance to help breathe through them.   just slow.    my mind starts to mess with me.    what am i do to?!   what if these contractions stop.   are they even doing anything?   i have been texting jill, our doula, & jenni, my dear friend taking pictures, & keeping them in the loop that things are just sort of stalled out.   i don't really want to talk with anyone.   or see anyone.   i am in a zone or a funk.  i'm not sure what you'd call it.   vance lets me go on a walk by myself.   i cry out to god that he gives me peace about this baby being born on his timing.   i meditate no the verses mom wrote down on 3x5 cards for me.   i have many many special moments with logan & gage.   i rocked logan to sleep & cuddled with gage till he was napping.   jill comes over & asks me questions about where i'm feeling the contractions & pressure.  she has me down on my hands & knees pulling a blanket under my belly because she thinks baby might be positioned funny.  and i express those same thoughts, i'm feeling SO MUCH movement on the bottom of my belly.

time to go get lane from school.  i ride along with vance this time & walk into his classroom to get him.  having to stop multiple times from contractions.   avoiding talking too much to people because clearly, i don't look super comfortable.  the evening continues & contractions continue.   logan is attached to me.  she breathes in every breathe with me & oddly she was a sense of comfort for me.   we lay in bed face to face for a few hours.

sometime around 9pm, things turn from steady to progressing.   finally!!    all day i had been looking forward to watching parenthood & now i could care less about it.   a baby is coming!!   jill asks if there are any updates before she goes to bed.   i tell her i'm about to hop in the bath to help with contractions.   she warns me because usually this sends me into transition.   by 10:00pm i tell vance, text jill & ask her to come.   same for jenni.  

jill comes over just as i'm climbing out of the tub.   i contract for quite sometime with just a towel on because clothes seem like too big of a hassle to mess with during contractions.  i write a note to leave for the kids when they wake up.   i let my dear friend christy know that we will be needing her to stay with the kids tonight...

i contract every 3 minutes.  good, hard contractions.   we start thinking, when should we go in?   all through this pregnancy i have been dreading this decision.   because i tested group b positive i needed to try & get there with plenty of time to get 20 minutes of an iv antibiotic.   with logan we weren't able to get it & they wouldn't release us to go home till 48 hours after delivery... ugh!   i have so much fear.   i really don't want to be at the hospital long.   everyone is so reassuring, you are close or in transition.   before walking out the door jenni asks if they can all gather around me & pray.     being blessed so deeply brings tears to my eyes.

the tears & contractions continue in the car.   irrational thoughts keep going through my head, "will i love this baby as much as the other three?'  vance holds my hand, wipes my tears, helps me breathe.

we pull up to the hospital er & i am a shakey mess.  for me the shakes equal transition.   we talk to the front desk gal & no sooner do 2 nurses (one is a friend from church) come running down carrying a bag saying, "we've been ready for you."  in their bag they have a full kit ready to deliver the baby in the lobby or elevator.   i was somewhat frustrated because they wanted me to ride in a wheelchair instead of walk but ok, whatever.

we get to the room and they have the iv ready to start.  oh good!  i also am ready to have them check me because baby is coming.   the nurse/my friend nicole checks me & automatically without her saying anything i could tell something was amiss.   this wasn't like at the dr yesterday morning.   "ok, your cervix is extremely high & you are maybe 3 cm."   what?!  my heart sank.   how could this be?!  "baby is positioned really funny in there so the head is not pushing on your cervix.   as soon as baby gets into position, you'll go from 3-10 in a few minutes."   i can't look at anyone.   i just laid there with my eyes closed breathing through the contractions.

i spent the majority of the time in the bathroom, as i did the last 2 months.  (hello baby number 4.)  while in there i break down to vance & doubt is all over me.   how can i keep doing this naturally if i'm in this much pain & only 3 cm??   he is my ever constant rock & encourages me.  "don't focus on the number, lets just take each contraction."

back to laying in bed to monitor baby for a few minutes and i start to get extremely itchy.   out of control itchy.  my scalp, my arms, my throat.   allergic reaction to the antibiotic.   they quickly turn it off & give me a shot of benedryl.

then we start a whole other issue.  the benedryl knocks me out!!!  like, i can't stay awake.  it is overpowering.   i fall asleep & dream, wake up & contract.  sleep, contract, over & over.   for hours.   this is so not part of my birth plan!!  this is so confusing!  not sure how long I've been in & out.   such a blur.  jenni shares a bible verse that is so perfect.  john16:20 A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.

sometime around 6 am, i start stirring.   we go walk halls & contractions pick up.   every three minutes.   breathe.  relax my shoulders.  let the contraction do its job.  breathe.

i begin thinking, maybe i should have them check me but am soooo fearful.   in my head i know if i haven't progressed they are either going to send me home or start pitocin.  i think, 1.  if i go home, i'm never coming back! 2.  if they have to start pitocin i will throw a complete fit.   it seems everyone around me is nervous for me to be checked too, "are you sure celine?"   the nurse checks me...seven!!! pretty sure the whole room cheered.   yay!!!  "praise the lord" was all i could say.

continue laboring in the restroom...i tell vance that i sort of have the urge to push.  in fact, i'm trying not to.   we come out & have the dr check me again.   she says, "you are an 8 but i think if we break your water, the baby would be right out."  i agonize if thats what i want & finally decide, yes.   i remember during this time thinking about how close we were to meeting baby & how i was so happy the sun was coming up.  

before i know it, my water breaks.  the dr says, "you can try pushing if you'd like.  you are only 8 cm but i really think the baby will move past whats left of the cervix."

vance holding my left hand, jill at my right hand, mom holding up my left leg & the nurse holding my right leg.   push.  goodness gracious this is hard.   and amazing.  and soon hard.  harder than any other time.   5 minutes of pushing.   the most amazing surreal thing, everyone is saying, "baby's head is just about all the way out." and at the same time, i can feel the baby's legs still kicking inside me.  i have to take breaks from pushing because the baby is moving so much.   i am so glad i was able to feel that.  so intense.

after 9 minutes of pushing....allie mae is born positioned & facing the wrong way.

the only voice i hear is vance's, "its a girl!! its a girl celine.  you did it.   baby, you did it.   we have another little girl."

that moment, life is instantly changed & it is better than anything i could dream.  "thank you jesus" was all i could say.  probably 100 times.   thank you for our sweet baby, for a baby girl, for our family, thank you that labor was over, that we were ok, for vance, for your miracles, for your blessings.   thank you jesus.


immediately following her birth, she was placed on my chest.  we had wanted the cord to stop pulsing (as we did previously) before it was cut but little allie wasn't breathing, she was quickly whisked off.   it seemed to take forever for a good cry.

vance...how have we done this four times?! every labor has made me fall even more in love with him.         i often joke with him that his inner calling is to be a doula or midwife because he is so amazing but really, i couldn't do labor without him.   

 and this moment....the kids.   THE ABSOLUTE BEST!   there aren't even words.  amazing.  it felt like a movie.

dad....not many dads are like him.   he stayed up all night in the hallway waiting for baby to be born.  so happy that i was able to tell him face to face that his #9 is a little girl.   he wanted a baby girl so bad.  

 mom...she has seen all 9 of her grandchildren being born.   normally she is on picture taking duty but this time she was able to be right there, encouraging me.  i could feel her love, her prayers, & her praises.  i am who i am because of my mom.

jenni...so grateful for her!!  there aren't many people i'd feel comfortable to hang out with while in labor but jenni, she is the exception.   her faith in the Lord kept me going through allie's labor.  and the gift she has given us in taking pictures is absolutely priceless.   i will treasure these pictures & video as long as i live.  

and jill...what would we do without her??  she has gone through & endured labor along with us for     

gage, logan, & allie.   she has shared not only her knowledge & strength with us but also her heart.   we are eternally grateful for her.  

this video. oh my, meeting allie. jenni asked if there was a song i have in mind for this season of life. i first heard this song very shortly after i found out i was pregnant with allie....so perfect. God is the same in the past, the same in the future, and today. to God be the Glory.